Are you ready to say goodbye to your fear of change?

Then, you’re exactly where you need to be.

Change holds you back and change can be difficult, but it’s not impossible to overcome.

In this article, I’m going to outline how to overcome your fear of change in 3 simple and profound steps. At the end, I’ll let you in on a proven method to effortlessly let go of your fear of change and live in the present moment.

Everything that begins, must end

Change is the nature of life, nothing in this world is immune to change.

Everything in life that begins, must end, as well as life itself. Life begins, and life ends.

In the journey of life, you latch onto things that bring you comfort. Your mother and father, your favourite toy, your siblings, your classmates, your first love, your job, your money, your home, and so on. The list of things that bring you solace is endless.

As much comfort as these items, phases of life, and people bring you, they bring you an equal amount of misery (or more).

How so you might ask?

Think about losing these comforts. How would you feel? A mild example that we can all relate to is graduating from school. You went to school for so long and at the end of your final year, it was like a chasm opened up in your life and swallowed up everyone you’d known for so long.

Think about your first relationship. Your first love had/has that special power to hurt you in a way that no one else could/can.

Where does the fear of change come from?

The fear of change is a fear of the unknown. You will always be comfortable with things you know and when they end, anxiety about the future arises. Of course, one can say that this anxiety in built-in to the human system. It is normal to be excited, anxious and curious about what comes next.

It is attachment and inertia that gives these feelings a negative light.

Graduating from the educational system, you’re either excited about the future or lamenting that your time in school has ended. In the latter case, your attachment to this period in your life is bringing you misery.

Similarly, at the end of a relationship, you have two options: wish the other person well and go about your merry way or remain hurt and stuck in a time when your relationship was perfect. Again, it is your attachment to this person that is bringing you misery.

So how can you let go of attachment?

Letting go of attachment is the secret sauce behind freeing yourself from the fear of change. Let’s break this process down into 3 intuitive steps.

Step 1) Acknowledge your fears

Currently, your fears are swirling around in the back of your head subtly affecting your choices and your behaviour. To acknowledge these fears, you need to become aware of them. So notice when they come up. Notice when your chest tightens and your breath becomes short and fast.

When this happens, immediately pull out a pen and paper and begin to write out what you feel. Whether your thoughts are angry, defensive, or anxious, get them out of your head and into the real world.

Fear doesn’t like to be named.

When you inquire into fear and the associated feelings, you’re addressing them instead of resisting and running from them. Think about pulling a string out of a box. Once you pull the whole thing out, the box is left free from that string forever.

In the same way, follow the trail of these feelings.

Here’s an example of how to follow the strings of your emotions:

Let’s say you get into an argument with a loved one and you feel angry. Now, ask yourself why you feel angry. The immediate answer might be because of something that person said or did. Generally, a small mistake or trigger will draw a very strong reaction from you. This is because that reaction is rooted in something much, much deeper. So keep digging.

I feel angry because I feel hurt.

I’m hurt because I feel uncared for and unseen.

I hate that I respond this way, but I don’t know how else to deal with these emotions.

I’m afraid that this person will get fed up and leave me.

I’m afraid of being alone.

I’m afraid of dying alone.

This is the root cause of you blowing up disproportionately over something that someone said.

Getting to the root of your emotions is not easy. If it brings tears to your eyes, you’re going in the right direction. Allow yourself to shed them. Let yourself be vulnerable and open with yourself. Do not judge yourself for feeling the way that you feel. Accept this fear and let it be. Sit with it. Don’t resist it anymore.

Give yourself the space and time you need to unpack and work through your baggage.

Do whatever you need to do for yourself in this moment.  Go for a walk, write more, or just sit with yourself and dive deep into the emotions that are coming up. Accepting them and not resisting them will allow them to flow and ensure that all of the string gets pulled out of the box.

Step 2) Understand that everything is always changing

Nothing in this world is permanent and unchanging.

Even if you were to gather all your old classmates and put them together in the same place at the same time, it wouldn’t be the same as the first time you lived it.

This is precisely why being in the present moment has become such a movement: the fear of change is irrational because there is nothing that isn’t changing!

Understand and accept that the past is gone and the future doesn’t exist yet. All you truly have is the present moment.

As a baby, you were always in the present moment. You cried and a moment later, you laughed. You didn’t hold on to anything. As you grew older, the mind and memory developed; you began to perceive change and latch on to things. By youth, and early adulthood, you were bogged down by memories, hopes, fears, anxieties and this insistent fear of change.

You buried the freedom of living entirely in the present moment under a mountain of baggage.

Realizing that everything is always changing and that the present moment is all that is, makes you lighter. It allows you to move with the tides of the moment without living the life of a zombie, just going through the motions while the mind is stuck in the past.

Step 3) Don’t be so hard on yourself

Take life one step at a time.

Losing something or someone that you’ve lived with for years can be devastating, but it doesn’t have to stay this way forever. Allow yourself some time to grieve and then pick yourself up and get moving. Honour their memory, but don’t remain stagnant forever.

Realize that life is like a river. You can never step into the same river twice because the water is always flowing.

Flow with the river and take life as it comes. If you feel down one day, take some time to honour those feelings and let them go. Don’t hold on to or identify with them. Change can be exciting and thrilling. All it takes is a shift in perspective.

Take some time to realize and ponder on the fact that tomorrow isn’t promised for anyone, so your best option is to live life to the fullest. Don’t let the fear of change hold you back. Allow yourself to be in the present moment and experience everything that it has to offer. I promise you that even the most mundane things will become vibrant and alive with colour.

Bonus) Proactively manage your fear of change

Overcoming your fear of change begins with changing your mindset. Start by sitting with and really thinking about the steps laid out above.

From there, journal, take time for yourself and don’t be so hard on yourself. The emotions you’re feeling are normal, but they don’t have to be your norm. Changing a mindset can be the hardest thing that you ever do, and thankfully, there are tried and tested methods to help with the process.

My favourite (and the most effective) method is the practice of yoga. There are 8 limbs of yoga (apart from physical postures) and the purpose of each and every single one is to free you from all forms of misery that your mind brings you (including but not limited to the fear of change).

If you’ve tried and haven’t succeeded by just giving yourself time, then this free yoga classes is the key to moving on in life and finding your smile again.